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[03 Dec 2008|03:55pm] |
sometimes i feel like everyone sees right through me,
especially the people i care about the most.
i feel invisible.
maybe i am invisible.
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[26 Nov 2007|11:08pm] |
i have a song in my head. i can almost hear all the words. i can almost hear a melody too. but i can't write the words down on paper.
my brain is twisted.
i need to not do this right now..
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[02 Nov 2007|06:41pm] |
i was happy for a little while. like, i was actually happy and not just pretending. but now i'm not so happy and it's getting a lot harder to pretend. it's not like things aren't great, because they are. i have great friends and the roommate thing is ten times better, and i'm working with BC football (who is currently 8-0). but i'm just not.. HAPPY. i need something else in my life. i need a warm bed to sleep in and someone to wake up next to in the mornings. i need someone to hug me when i'm sad and listen to me when i can't explain things. i need someone to fight with and then make up with. i need someone to cook for. i need someone to watch movies with. i'm getting tired of boy bullshit and i'm getting tired of always feeling like the least attractive one. i feel like i get written off a lot.
someone make me happy.
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[01 Oct 2007|02:04pm] |
life is better.
someone date me.
<3
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[05 Jul 2007|10:59pm] |
your breath is hot against my cheek.
i look into your eyes and cannot speak.
a single tear drops from my eye.
i pinch myself to make sure i'm alive.
my hand in yours, a perfect fit.
i feel myself melting, bit by bit.
your lips so close to mine, i shake.
but you aren't there when i wake.
every night i remind myself, "it was only a dream."
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[04 Jul 2007|11:49pm] |
i love that staceylee is in boston.
she makes me =).
(probably one of the only ones lately)
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[02 Jul 2007|12:36pm] |
i have too much to think about.
i go crazy every night trying to shut my brain off so i can sleep.
ugh.
it's easier to pretend when i'm here,
than when i'm at home.
because at home he's a real person.
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[20 Jun 2007|05:12pm] |
i guess i can pretend to be happy.
it can't be that hard.
i'll just be sad by myself.. and not admit it.
PS.
stacey,
he told me that she visited him at work and that he only introduced her to eric because there are too many "amy fans" at the pool - namely you and dana, but also joey and rob. and then everyone else sucks. thanks for always leaving me comments, lol, you make me happy. i'm coming home til july 1st, but then we'll be in the bean together. i'm excited to spend 4th of july with you! ;) see you soon. love you.
love,
amy
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[18 Jun 2007|06:54pm] |
i don't really know why i feel so betrayed. he didn't do anything directly TO me. i just feel like.. really, in this moment right now, i can honestly say that if at any point in time he were to ask me to be with him again, i would in a second. i care about him more than i've cared about anyone. i would do anything for him. i would take a bullet for him. he obviously doesn't feel the same way. i don't know if it's anymore or if he never cared about me as much as i cared about him.
he promised me he would love me.
but i guess that's the funny thing about promises. you can mean them from the bottom of your heart at one second, and then things change i guess.
i guess i'm not ready for change.
i still love him.
what the fuck do i do?
i told him i was okay but i don't really think i am.
he has no idea how i feel right now.
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[17 Jun 2007|07:28pm] |
oh.
well, apparently, it does.
she said it/meant it.
he said it/meant it back.
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[16 Jun 2007|11:17pm] |
i stalk.
if she said "love you" on facebook, does that mean she said it in person(/means it)?
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[09 Jun 2007|07:56pm] |
i hate that i get so remarkably sad when i look at pictures of them.
it makes me want to curl up and die.
boo hoo. [i should get over it already]
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[04 Jun 2007|02:13pm] |
so i ended up working this past weekend.
11-6 on friday and 10-6 on saturday, so that's 14 hours of being paid.
it was nice to be home, minus the fact i am really sunburned.
so i had a crazy real dream yesterday:
i went to church and saw doug there. it was like a picnic thing so we were hanging out and we decided to go for a walk. so we walked around the back of the church and saw tommy prudenti, who was like 'oh we just got back from cumac-echo, we're having cake, do you guys want some?' so we were like okay, and kim and rob and joey were there, etc. so next thing i know, doug wasn't with me anymore so i went to find him and he was sitting in jess's car with her doing god knows what but i came around behind and i heard her say something really mean about me (i don't remember what it was) and they both started cracking up so i like stood up and ran away to the front, like, crying. so doug like ran after me and was like i'm sorry, i didn't mean to laugh at you, i didn't know you were standing there, blah blah blah. which made me cry more. then jess comes around the corner and is like 'i'm sick of this shit. you have to choose between her or me.' so i was like fuck this and i like started to walk away and doug was like 'her' (meaning me) and he like grabbed my hand. he was like 'you shouldn't make me pick between you and my best friend, i've known her longer and i care about her a lot, blah.' so jess got all mad and like stormed away so it's just the two of us and he is wiping tears off my face and i was like 'i was walking away' and he was like 'i know' and he laughed and then i went to kiss him but he was like 'no, not yet.' so jess drives by and i like put my head down so i didn't have to see her, and then we walked to the back to eat some cake and as we were walking we just stopped and kissed like we used to and i was really happy.
then i woke up,
but i was in such a good mood when i woke up.
toooooo bad life sucks.
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[30 May 2007|07:47pm] |
i am stoked to come home this weekend, though i may end up working at the pool. i swore last year was my last year but i am hard up for cash. i have, like, 20 bucks or something ridiculous. sweet love being poor. i'm kind of looking for a job here but i can only work until the beginning of august because of my clinical at BC football. which should be entertaining, i suppose. i just wish i had those couple weeks at the end of summer to go home. but oh well, what can you do?
go crazy.
aimee's coming to visit next tuesday! i am so souped. now if meg and joe would come as well, it would be all of us reunited. but, really, even if those losers don't come, i'm SO excited. friends! i can't wait. it will make the week go much faster. there are only, like, four weeks left in the semester or something. siiiick brah.
i'm kind of excited to work at the pool,
but kind of not.
we'll see.
come to boston and play with me!
(PS. me and doug had like a real conversation two days in a row. i think i'm doing better. :])
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[27 May 2007|10:58am] |
i really don't feel like being in boston.
everyone is cool here, but i just want to be home, you know.
the past couple nights have been fun tho. we had a couple people over here on friday night and we just hung out, had a few drinks, you know. everyone seems pretty nice. we stayed out til like 3:30 and we were out by the charles and we met some people walking around. yesterday during the day me, allie, and erik went shopping at burlington, which was fun but tiring. we came back and took naps (i think i've taken one every day this week) and then went out to dinner. last night, allie's friend had a party so we went and hung out. it was really fun. jon was there, so we hung out finally. =)
today is boring. lots of homework.
i might go to needham tomorrow to visit andrea.
i wish i was home and dts for mdw. haha.
i miss doug a lot. we talk a lot, but it's not the same.
it hurts all the time.
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[23 May 2007|12:39pm] |
haha.
you said you cared about me.
liar.
ha.
you'll miss me when i'm gone.
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[21 Jan 2007|03:35pm] |
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freaking idiot.
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[22 Dec 2006|12:21am] |
i got over a 3.5 this semester. sick.
i think that's dean's list.
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[14 Dec 2006|11:42pm] |
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i don't know what to do. i don't know what to feel. i don't really know how i'm supposed to be doing or feeling right now. how does anybody know? someone just tell me what to do. what is right, and what is wrong. i don't know how to live like this.
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[14 Dec 2006|11:26am] |
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i hateeeeeeeeeee some people.
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